Just Words…

I’m not sure how this got started but I remember wanting to lose some weight last year. I just wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.

There are some things you need to know prior to my weight loss:

I never weigh myself.

I didn’t weigh myself prior to the weight loss.

I never cared about what the scale said because I wasn’t concerned about slabbing a big three digit number to my body but rather about how I perceived and felt about myself.

As the months went by, I knew I had lost some weight. People told me. I saw it for myself.

When I finally went to weigh myself, my heart shattered. How can it be that when I felt this great, the numbers didn’t reflect my image?

Stop. Don’t say it. I knew I was being hypocritical because I initially didn’t care about my weight. But I couldn’t help it. Suddenly, I wanted to compete with the number on the scale just like how I’ve secretly competed with my classmates.

I restricted my food intake. I religiously worked out. I was grouchy. I wasn’t losing weight.

What started out being such good things turned into negatives.

Just like in school.

I felt as if I tried so hard on my school work and studies but it just didn’t pay off. I ended up constantly feeling stress, tired and not above par with my classmates who put in less effort.

I recently confronted myself. I’ve stared long and hard at myself in the mirror and looked at my recent photos.

Even at this stage, I knew I wasn’t considered “skinny” but compared to before, I looked as if I went on a Jenny Craig diet and then did some major botox afterwards.

I looked unhealthy.

Dear Body,

I’m sorry I’ve treated you this way. I’m sorry the lack of care caused you to feel physically and mentally drained 345 days of the year. From here on out, I promise to take better care of you. Enjoy my food. Enjoy myself. Enjoy life.

Sincerely,

Me.

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